My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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