I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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