My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize