please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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