bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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