OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently you make a good broom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize