I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
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you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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