I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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