I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize