this boner is exhausting
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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