I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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