i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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