Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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