i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize