I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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