I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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