someone owes me an orgasm
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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