Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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