when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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