wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize