help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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