I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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