Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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