if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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