There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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