His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize