i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize