I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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