Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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