It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
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mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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