So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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