I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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