Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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