i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize