So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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