The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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