Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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