hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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