Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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