Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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