I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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