piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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