He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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