The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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