that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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