Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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