you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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