So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize