I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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