we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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